Two Best Rivals Play
by Phoenocia's Void
Summary: What happens if you let Red and Blue on break? This is what you get! Badmouthing each other and the game, raging and a whole lot more! Try to not explode your guts from laughing. Rated T for dozens and dozens of swearing. It might raise to a rated M. I work on this story if I have Writer's Block.


This story is based on the YouTube series " Two Best Friends Play". If you haven`t seen it, search it on YouTube and watch it. Then come back and read this story.

Red is Pat.

Blue is Mat. Keep it in mind. Also, this will be written in script form.

Disclaimer: Pokemon belongs to Game Freak.

Two Best Friends Play... belongs to TheSw1tch3er and Machinima.

* * *

Red: *sigh* Okay, let's do this...

Blue: The game is fun, right?

Red: Yeah, the game is fun, but... You're a moron.

Blue: So, you use, you use portals right?

Red: You're fucking me right?

Blue: I literally don't-

Red: You beat Portal 1 right?

Blue: I didn't actually.

Red: Everyone beat Portal 1!

Blue: I didn't play that because-

Red: Because dozens of trainers are flocking to your gym doors?

Blue: Yep.

Red: Then why did you jump into this?

Blue: Because, because.

(CUT)

Blue: What do I do?

Red: Are you-

Blue: Where's my gun?

Red: There are no guns.

Blue: Why am I playing this?

(SFX: Buzzer)

Blue: Ahh!

Red: Really? Really?

Blue: I'm not prepared for lour buzzing noises!

Red: Then what are you prepared for anyway?

Blue: Not this.

Red: Sleeping. Go to sleep.

Blue: Finally! After all my hard work.

(CUT)

Wheately : It's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.

Red: That's amazing. The game knows you have fucking brain damage.

Red: Speak.

Red: That's jump idiot.

Blue: I pressed the A button and-

Red: Even the robot thinks you're retarded.

Blue: What the fuck is i-

Red: Say apple.

Blue: Okay. I'm not-

Red: You're retarded, retarded as shit!

Blue: What? What the fuck?

(CUT)

Wheatley: That's the spirit!

Blue: Yay! Jump!

Red: Just fucking kill me now. Look a portal!

Blue: What the fuck?

Red: Do you not understand the concept of portals?

Blue: No, what the fuck?

Red: This is like the whole game! The whole game! this is the whole thing right here!

Blue: this is like one of those infinite mirror elevators.

Red: Yes, it is! You can jump in it.

Blue: But I don't like that! When I'm in those elevators I start freaking out!

Red: You freak out in those elevators?

Blue: Yeah. Where is that coming from? Are there three portals or four?

Red: There's two.

Blue: What? But there's one... two... three.

Red: You're looking through a portal through a different position.

Blue: What? Hang on. (Sticks his head through the portal on the ceiling)

Red: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Blue: I don't get it.

(CUT)

Blue: What does this thing do?

Red: That's a Material Emancipation Grid.

Blue: I don't listen to rap.

(CUT)

Announcer: Relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.

Blue: Okay.

Announcer: You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.

Blue: My ear tubes?!

Red: You don't need those.

Blue: They're my favorite kind of tubes!

Red: No, they're not!

(CUT)

Red: This is not hard.

Blue: No one told me anything.

Red: No one tells you anything! To my knowledge, I'm the only person you talk to! You're like the Ralph Wiggum of real life. Turn around my back for two seconds and I catch you eating glue and crayons.

Blue: (Eats a unwrapped crayon and drinks the glue) This is getting a bit personal.

(CUT)

Blue: When do I get my shotgun?

Red: In Episode Three.

Blue: That was my least favorite Star Wars, I'll tell you that.

Red: What the fuck are you... Oh fuck you.

(CUT)

Wheately : He hey! You made it!

Blue: Hey, it's Silver!

Red: He's not named Silver. They're not all named Silver. That's horrible.

(CUT)

(Blue falls through a trapdoor)

Blue: Shit, cunt, whaaa!

Red: See, see? Progression.

Wheately : Do you see a portal down there?

Blue: No.

Wheately : Are you still alive?

Blue: Yes!

Red: Why are you physically responding to a character in a video game?

Blue: Because...

Red: The TV can't hear you!

Blue: Look, there's no shotgun so far, so I have to find some way to make it entertaining!

(CUT)

Announcer: Smooth Jazz will be deployed.

Blue: Smooth jazz?

Red: You ready for some smooth jazz?

(Smooth Jazz starts playing)

Blue: Aww shit!

Red: IT'S SO SMOOTH, I CAN'T TAKE IT!

Blue: I'm slipping all over the place!

Red: I'M JUST SLIDING OUT OF THIS CHAIR!

(Music shorts out.)

Red: Well, that's depressing.

(CUT)

Blue: Hey, there's Giovanni.

Red: Yes there- Giovanni? Now you just have to get THAT cube. Can YOU figure out a way?

(CUT)

Red: Holy shit, good job. I think I have some dog treats I can give you.

Blue: Well good-HEY!

(CUT)

Blue: Hey, look it's Silver again!

Red: HIS NAME IS NOT SILVER! Just shoot a portal behind fucking Silver- (sigh) NOW YOU'RE SAYING THAT SHIT AND FUCK YOU! YOU ARE LIKE BRAIN CANCER! MIND CANCER! YOU'RE NOT A BRAIN TUMOR... YOU'RE RUINING MY IDEAS!

(CUT)

Blue: Okay, so where are we now?

Red: You have to find an escape route. But don't worry. It's flipping harmless.

Blue: He's saying that bad things are going to happen.

Red: Yeah, but he's a little bitch. Don't worry about him.

Blue: So nothing bad will happen?

Red: Nothing bad will happen.

{CUT}

GLaDOS: Oh, it's YOU. (Throws Wheately into an incinerator)

Both: NO!

Blue: You said nothing bad would happen!

Red: TO YOU!

Blue: SILVER!

(CUT)

Blue: Hey, I'm a robot.

Red: I am also a robot.

Blue: I'm a better robot than you.

Red: You don't even know which robot you are yet.

Blue: I'm probably the one that's the best one.

Red: Which one is that?

Blue: It's the one with blue in it... That one! You're the orange one!

Red: Cool. I get to be the tall robot.

Blue: ...Aww shit.

(CUT)

Blue: Which Pokemon symbolizes Hoenn better?

Red: The Combusken.

Blue: No way! I'm like Mightyenna here!

(CUT)

Red: Hey, wait! I've got something cool to show you!

Blue: Yeah, right. You fooled me before...

Red: Look down, and shoot a portal at your feet.

Blue: I'm gonna say no to this.

Red: Just do it.

Blue: Okay...

Red: Just do it you wimp.

(Shoots portal)

Red: Yeah. Traveling through space-time!

Blue: Yeah, I stopped your little trap. (Falls back in) FUCK!

(CUT)

Red: Step on that button. (Door closes on him) Why would you do that?

Blue: Oh, sorry.

Seto: JUST FUCKING STEP ON THE BUTTON! (Door closes on him again) WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING DO THAT?!

(CUT)

Red: I swear to god, If I walk over there, and that door closes on me, I'm going to go outside, catch a Pidgey, Mightyena and a Rattatta, and get them to dump all over your sink.

Blue: … (Gets off button)

Red: WHAT THE-

(CUT)

Red: Here, take the stupid cube. I don't want it anyway.

Blue: SLAM DUNK! (Glass breaks)

Red: NO! You have to use it to solve the shit!

Blue: YEAH!

Red: STOP IT! FUCKING... UNOVA! WHY WOULD YOU DO THA- AAAH! (Cube knocks Red backwards into water. Blue laughs hysterically)

(CUT)

Red: Are you even jumping? What are you doing?

(Camera zooms out to show Blue in a two ground portal trap.)

Red: Stop it. We need to solve these flipping puzzles.

Blue: I can't... solve these puzzles! There are too many sciences!

(CUT)

(Now Red is caught in a gravity trap)

Blue: This is like an abstract painting of our stupidity.

Red: Mostly yours, though. Mostly yours.

Blue: I think it's around 50-50, because you're in the same problem I am!

Red: I hate your face.

Blue: We need to play something that won't stress us out because this is madness right now and nothing's being solved. So what can we play?

(CUT)

(Starts up Wii and start playing New Super Mario Bros. Wii

Red: Oh yeah! Why didn't we play this before?!

Blue: EVERYTHING IS FUN!

And the end! I'll be using a line from the episode for the chapter name. Next chapter is Harry Potter Kinect.


End file.
